Information Overload

Have I told you how awesome you are? And I don’t mean ‘you’ in a generalized way here. I’m talking to YOU – the one eating a snickers bar and a Coke while ALT+TABbing between me and an inbox filled with chain letters and jokes and funny/cute/keep-you-scrolling-to-the-end-of-fricking-TIME dog and/or angel-baby photos. Some of which may have been sent by me.

For that, I am sorry. I had a few moments last week, wherein I was so overwhelmed by guilt for not having written anything substantial to anyone lately that I started to hear little voices calling from my inbox. Voices of re-sent emails, full of pictures and poems and letters that have been around the world a ga-zillion times already. The voices said, “send us Jules, send us to everyone you know. Exceed their size limit, slow their systems and bore them to tears. It’s easier than actually writing something. Send usssss…” And I listened to their evil voices, I listened. I was weak, WEAK, I tell you!

But you? You are awesome. I appreciate that YOU take a moment out of your day to read my random thoughts, look at my outdated photos and follow my newest links. You rule.

However…there is something I need to say. A little feedback, that as good friends often find, must be shared in the interest of a healthy relationship. It’s been bugging me for about a week now, and if I don’t say something, I’m going to end up having a nervous breakdown.

I have a site meter.

And that means I can see where you’re visiting from. (FYI – anyone can see it. Just click that “site meter” box at the bottom of this page & click “By Details” or “By Location” on the next screen.)

Before you freak out – I’m not joining the NSA, I’m not gathering credit card numbers or tracking what porn sites you visit. I just want to know when you visit ME. I signed up for my free sitemeter when I started this blog, and the whole location thing was sort of a bonus. A bonus that a curious cat like me kinda likes…cuz it’s cool to know I’m not just blathering to myself here.

I’m blathering to someone in New Jersey. Or Auckland. And Toronto! Wooo! It gets even better –if I click on the detail number for a visitor, it tells me all sorts of groovy info like what browser y’all use (so I don’t go writing code that wonks it up), or how you find me (because my tags are whacked and if you search for “Maas Publications” you won’t find me).

Sometimes, it even shows me the name of your ISP. This is the name of the company or service that gives you access to the internet. Some of my buddies show up as “Comcast” or “Evangelical Lutheran Goodsamaritan” or "eBay", depending on whether they view this from home, or work. Home computers usually show up under Internet Provider names. WORK computers, (or public computers) often show up under that organization’s name.

So if you happen to visit while you eat your morning bagel at work, or while you wait for your flight to Las Vegas, or even from the library when you’re working on that term paper, I’ll probably see it. But don’t worry. I won’t tell. I do it, too.

However – when you visit from a company network, please, please, PLEASE consider one thing. If that company name is something like "the IRS", or "the FCC", or "a law firm", it might show up in my sitemeter. At which point I can guarantee one thing will happen.

You will SCARE THE CRAP OUT OF ME.

This is the conversation I had with my mother the day I discovered the above visitor, driving home during rush-hour traffic:

Jules: “Random question for you. Tell me if this name rings a bell, ok?”

Mom: “Ok.”

Jules: “Kennedy Moulton & Wells, PC”

Mom: “Hmm. That’s a law firm here in town, I think.”

Jules: “Were any of Dad’s lawyers from that office?”

Mom: “No. Why?”

Jules: “Someone visited my site from their network today. They spent four minutes on my site and looked at six pages. Do we know anyone who works there?”

Mom: “No, I don’t think so. But I think they have a website – you should look them up and see.”

Jules: “Oh, I already did. I also looked up all the court records I could find for you & dad and started cross-referencing the attorneys to see if they matched.”

Mom: “Are you kidding? Why would you do that?”

Jules: “Cuz I thought dad might be thinking of suing me or something.”

Mom: “Julia, WHY would your dad sue you? That’s ridiculous.”

Jules: “Are you sure? He sued you SIX TIMES. Why WOULDN’T he sue me? I’m the ‘favorite child who told him off in an email and didn’t speak to him for three years and moved 1600 miles away without so much as a postcard. That and I posted something about him and he might be mad.”

Mom: “I saw that – I laughed my ASS off. That was a great post. Remember how those kids kept smashing our car windows? I swear they did it just to piss him off. And you know, they quit coming after he…”

Jules: “Mom? Focus.”

Mom: “Your Dad is not going to sue you.”

Jules: “Are you mad I looked up all your records?”

Mom: “Nah. There’s nothing there I haven’t already told you. The records are just a curse-free version.”