Operation Cornfield, Part 1: Best Laid Plans Are For WEENIES
Previously on “Operation Cornfield”, I scoped out a brilliant plan to save money on a trip to South Dakota. A plan involving:
- Driving! (Because I LIVE for driving.)
- Sightseeing! (Because there’ll be TONS to see.)
- A week off of work! (Because I am a peon, and they won’t miss me.)
Sounds pretty easy, right?
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Thursday, April 27th
T-54 days
Compose email to department director, who because of supremely whacked team structure, is my reporting manager from whom all approvals and assignments are given, but also from whom there is no available ‘bandwidth’ to give focused attention or feedback on subjects so low on the totem pole as mine.
To: Director
Subject: Weekly Status Report
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Newsletter publication: she-blah-blah-blah
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Intranet projects: she-blah-blah-blah
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Team SharePoint site development: she-blah-blah-blah
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Logo/banner requests: she-blah-blah-blah
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Miscellaneous: requesting time off, June 21 – June 27th
Director’s response: None
Follow-up with Director’s Admin: “If she didn’t respond, she’s fine with it.”
My response: “Groovy.”
Continue to send highlighted request on all status reports for the next month and a half. Just in case.
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Thursday, May 18th
T-20 days
Jen (awesome eBay coworker): “Dude, it’s freakin’ HOT here. We hit 96 degrees yesterday.”
Jules: “Dude? Don’t even talk to me. There is no air conditioning in Seattle. It’s only 85 here and I’ve never been hotter in my life.”
Jen: “Wah.”
Jules: “Truly. It’s stupid. Hey – have they finished refurbing the eBay buildings? I heard y’all were getting some crazy ass doorknockers and stuff”
Jen: ”Yeah. That. The building is great – new paint and wood icons in the halls. But whoever came up with the doorknocker design should be shot. They have doormats on the walls and doorknockers in the shape of bull’s-eyes. It’s the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen.”
Jules: “Dear lord. I wish I could see that.”
Jen: ”I’ll send you a picture. Hey, did I tell you I make jewelry now?”
Jules: “Way cool. These are great! Would you make me one for my friend’s daughter? I didn’t know what to get for her birthday – this’ll be perfect!”
Jen: “How old is she?”
Jules: “uh…two? I think. I tend to block out details about other people’s babies. I’d go bat-bung crazy otherwise.”
Jen: “You heard Jana’s pregnant, right?”
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Monday, May 29th
T-23 days
Send email to Marketing Communications Manager (MCM), for whom I have been trying to get an IT group to publish changes on another program groups’ web pages. For five months.
Jules: “You know the IT contact I’ve been working with for the last month? He just mentioned today that this really isn’t his department.”
MCM: “Excuse me? So who is?”
Jules: “He referred me to back to the first person I contacted. Back in February. Permission to throw a fit?”
MCM: “Granted.”
To: Anonymous IT Person Living Somewhere in the Indiscernible Web of Confusing Microsoft Titles
Subject: How Dare You Ignore My Very Important Project
Dear Anonymous IT Person,
I contacted you five months ago for help on this project. You passed me to someone else, who passed me to someone else, entering me into a vicious system which has proceeded to whisk me through the inboxes of about 45 different people.
Instead of waiting for y’all to figure out your heads from your butts, I’ve had our vendor do as much work as possible without you. As there’s nothing left for them to do now, we’ll be paying them to sit around twiddling their thumbs for the next seven months if y’all don’t get on it, like now.
Sincerely,
Obnoxious Project Manager*
*O, seriously. You know this is totally made up. The real message was much, much schmoozier.
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Thursday, June 1st
T-20 days
Dori: “So, what’s the deal with this map you sent? Are you coming? For real?”
Jules: “Yeah, baby! It’s gonna be AWESOME.”
Dori: “I am SO EXCITED. I was sure you’d cancel. Again.”
Jules: “No way. I don’t care what happens between now and then – I’m coming!”
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Monday, June 5th
T-15 days
To: Obnoxious Project Manager
Subject: Bring It On, Baby
You have a Very Important Project? And you need our help? Well, why didn’t you just SAY SO?
Let’s meet this week and get the project slated for completion by the end of June.
Sincerely,
Previously Anonymous IT Person Who Is In Fact, IT Queen
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To be continued…
© 2006, jules.maas. All rights reserved.
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Hey Debby!
Hee. Peyton is a KICK. We had half a mind to grab him as we pulled out the driveway heading home.
Should we tell him Trav went back to live in HockeyLand and will visit him in his sleep to leave pucks instead of money for his teeth?
The Hockey Fairy – could be the next BIG THING, you think?
Hey Jules!
Peyton keeps asking where you and Travis went…He wants to play with “HOCKEY MAN!”
You two made quite an impression on him!
I can’t wait for the next installment in Operation Cornfield.
Love,
Debby