This morning I slept until 10am. And this is sorta how I feel today:

You know, except for that massive fear of failure lurking behind my right eye.

Related Links:
Video: The Evolution of Dance by Judson Laipply

© 2007 – 2011, jules.maas. All rights reserved.

A crane fell on their building. About twenty hours before.

Nov 18, 2006

The Seattle Times

Offices of at least three businesses in the Plaza 305 building in downtown Bellevue are closed indefinitely after Thursday’s construction-crane accident.

Workers shuttled in and out of a Pacific Continental Bank branch, removing confidential documents because of severe damage to the building. Clients were told they could do their banking online, over the phone or at a branch in downtown Seattle.

At Civica Office Commons, windows were shattered in the offices of developer Schnitzer Northwest and public-relations firm Waggener Edstrom Worldwide when the crane slammed into the north tower of the complex. A Wells Fargo branch on the ground floor remained closed while workers removed debris.

I wonder now, how was it I was able to pick up a random news bite about a bomb going off at eBay in another state between the gossip and traffic on Jackie and Bender’s Morning Show – but I didn’t so much as hear a peep all day about a crane falling on three buildings less than ten miles from where I work?

But as much of a total ass I felt sitting at my desk that evening, reading about how completely clueless I’d been of a major disaster right down my street, in reality I only focused on that for about a half a second. Because the whole thing got a lot, lot worse.

Nov 17, 2006

KING / KING5.com Staff and Wire Reports
BELLEVUE, Wash. – The man who died in when a crane crashed into his apartment Thursday evening was 31-year-old Matthew Ammon, a patent attorney for Microsoft.

He had only worked there for five months, after moving from Kansas City. Ammon was originally from the Pittsburgh area, according to general counsel for Microsoft Brad Smith.

The 210-foot crane collapsed around 7:45 p.m. at the high-rise complex construction project on 108th Avenue NE near NE 4th Street, at 333 Bellevue Tower, which is an office building that has been vacant for a few years.

It smashed into the west side of the Pinnacle Bell Centre Apartments, killing Ammon, who lived on the top floor. It also sliced through two other buildings, the Civica Office Commons and Plaza 305.

Part of downtown Bellevue remained shut down Friday as investigators searched for what caused the construction crane to come crashing down Thursday night.

I didn’t know Matthew. I doubt that given another three, five, ten years on campus, I would ever even meet him. But do I know he was out here just like the rest of us, trying to accomplish something. I know he was probably kicking back watching a football game at the time of the accident. I know he was just one year younger than me, and I know that he had no expectation at all of what crashed down on him that night.

© 2006 – 2010, jules.maas. All rights reserved.

by Hugh MacLeod

Thanks to Scobelizer & Wil Wheaton’s references to Gaping Void, I’ve been a semi-frequent visitor of Hugh MacLeod’s cartooning blog. I liked his work, it always made me chuckle. But as far as my must-read-blogs were concerned, he just wasn’t on my list.

Until today. He automatically hit the ‘bloggers who make me shoot coffee out my nose’ qualifier, just behind Amalah and Erin Dailey, when I read this post from Gaping Void and “How to be Creative”.

SO. TRUE.

He’s funny as hell and the best thing is, what he’s about is so much more than snarky cartoons.

“I chose the monster image simply because I always thought there is something wonderfully demonic about wanting to change the world. It can be a force for the good, of course, if used wisely. It’s certainly a very loaded part of the human condition, but I suppose that’s what makes it compelling.”

Working somewhere that’s ‘changed the world’ is an addictive thing. You get used to it, expect it, demand it - then become confused and/or angry and/or pissy when you find yourself in a position where it ain’t gonna happen. Usually, that’s the point when you have to step back and realize, your Monster’s Taken Over. And he needs a good long spell in the Time Out Corner.

I identify with Hugh’s idealistic perspective and admire his commitment, abilty to apply his ideals, and strength of voice. I should be so lucky as to develop a sense of humor as sharp as his.

If putting someone else’s work on the back of my card didn’t defeat the whole purpose of promoting myself as, you know, a designer, this would totally be my business card.

© 2006 – 2011, jules.maas. All rights reserved.

• Driving! (Because I LIVE for driving.)
• Sightseeing! (Because there’ll be TONS to see.)
• A week off of work! (Because I am a peon, and they won’t miss me.)

Sounds pretty easy, right?

—————————————

Thursday, April 27th   

T-54 days

Compose email to department director, who because of supremely whacked team structure, is my reporting manager from whom all approvals and assignments are given, but also from whom there is no available ‘bandwidth’ to give focused attention or feedback on subjects so low on the totem pole as mine.

To: Director

Subject: Weekly Status Report

1. Newsletter publication: she-blah-blah-blah
2. Intranet projects: she-blah-blah-blah
3. Team SharePoint site development: she-blah-blah-blah
4. Logo/banner requests: she-blah-blah-blah
5. Miscellaneous: requesting time off, June 21 – June 27^th

Director’s response: None

Follow-up with Director’s Admin: “If she didn’t respond, she’s fine with it.”

My response: “Groovy.”

Continue to send highlighted request on all status reports for the next month and a half. Just in case.

—————————————

Thursday, May 18th   

T-20 days

Jen (awesome eBay coworker): “Dude, it’s freakin’ HOT here. We hit 96 degrees yesterday.”

Jules: “Dude? Don’t even talk to me. There is no air conditioning in Seattle. It’s only 85 here and I’ve never been hotter in my life.”

Jen: “Wah.”

Jules: “Truly. It’s stupid. Hey – have they finished refurbing the eBay buildings? I heard y’all were getting some crazy ass doorknockers and stuff”

Jen: ”Yeah. That. The building is great – new paint and wood icons in the halls. But whoever came up with the doorknocker design should be shot. They have doormats on the walls and doorknockers in the shape of bull’s-eyes. It’s the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Jules: “Dear lord. I wish I could see that.”

Jen: ”I’ll send you a picture. Hey, did I tell you I make jewelry now?”

Jules: “Way cool. These are great! Would you make me one for my friend’s daughter? I didn’t know what to get for her birthday – this’ll be perfect!”

Jen: “How old is she?”

Jules: “uh…two? I think. I tend to block out details about other people’s babies. I’d go bat-bung crazy otherwise.”

Jen: “You heard Jana’s pregnant, right?”

—————————————

Monday, May 29th   

T-23 days

Send email to Marketing Communications Manager (MCM), for whom I have been trying to get an IT group to publish changes on another program groups’ web pages. For five months.

Jules: “You know the IT contact I’ve been working with for the last month? He just mentioned today that this really isn’t his department.”

MCM: “Excuse me? So who is?”

Jules: “He referred me to back to the first person I contacted. Back in February. Permission to throw a fit?”

MCM: “Granted.”

To: Anonymous IT Person Living Somewhere in the Indiscernible Web of Confusing Microsoft Titles

Subject: How Dare You Ignore My Very Important Project

Dear Anonymous IT Person,

I contacted you five months ago for help on this project. You passed me to someone else, who passed me to someone else, entering me into a vicious system which has proceeded to whisk me through the inboxes of about 45 different people.

Instead of waiting for y’all to figure out your heads from your butts, I’ve had our vendor do as much work as possible without you. As there’s nothing left for them to do now, we’ll be paying them to sit around twiddling their thumbs for the next seven months if y’all don’t get on it, like now.

Sincerely,

Obnoxious Project Manager*

*O, seriously. You know this is totally made up. The real message was much, much schmoozier.

—————————————

Thursday, June 1st   

T-20 days

Dori: “So, what’s the deal with this map you sent? Are you coming? For real?”

Jules: “Yeah, baby! It’s gonna be AWESOME.”

Dori: “I am SO EXCITED. I was sure you’d cancel. Again.”

Jules: “No way. I don’t care what happens between now and then – I’m coming!”

—————————————

Monday, June 5th   

T-15 days

To: Obnoxious Project Manager

Subject: Bring It On, Baby

You have a Very Important Project? And you need our help? Well, why didn’t you just SAY SO?

Let’s meet this week and get the project slated for completion by the end of June.

Sincerely,

Previously Anonymous IT Person Who Is In Fact, IT Queen

—————————————

To be continued…

© 2006, jules.maas. All rights reserved.

Walking to the breakroom for coffee, lunch or just to stare longingly at the snack machine, is a virtual trip around the world. People zapping their lunch in the microwave or grabbing a cup o’ Joe on their way to a meeting can easily be heard just shooting the breeze. In Chineese. Or Russian, German, C+, take your pick. I don’t understand a word of it, I just know it sounds beautiful. Intense. And completely beyond my frame of reference.

In fact, I continually find myself in meetings with developers, marketers and product managers who are so far beyond me that I feel like the stupidest person ON THE PLANET. Which, on a side note, I sometimes prove to be sadly and terribly true.

Last week I got lost in another building. LOST. Not "Hm. This is room 1204. I’m looking for room 1234, so I should turn around and go the other way" lost. No, this was "Room 3278?! The hell? I’m on the FIRST FLOOR! This is the THIRD TIME I’ve been down this damn hallway…how do people work here? It. ALL. LOOKS. THE SAME!! Maybe right…no? ok, left. Am I IN the fucking TWILIGHT ZONE?! WHERE THE FUCK IS THE FUCKING ELEVATOR GET ME OUT GET ME OUT GET ME OOOOOUUUUUT!" lost.

Thank CHRIST no one knew me.

At times like that, I have to remind myself: I AM smart. AND talented. Just not with any of the stuff THEY know. My inbox is stuffed with requests from every member of my department asking me to update an intranet, reformat documents, make banners, newsletters, a multitude of miscellaneous graphics, and oh, by the way, can you please explain what this search engine optimization gobbledy-gook is all about?

Alright. I feel like I’ve recovered from the getting LOST AT WORK story. Back to my point.

There is one conversation at Microsoft that comes up all the time. And it amazes me for a couple of reasons. One, I’ve heard it here more than anywhere else in my entire adult experience. Second, I haven’t had to think about it in a really, REALLY long time, because I’ve been lucky enough to work in places where it wasn’t so much an issue.

And that issue is: THERE ARE NO WOMEN HERE.

Now, of course, all my previous employers subjected me and my coworkers to the same sexual harassement-equal opportunity training breaks to Legalesia that most employees everywhere enjoy QUITE REGULARLY. And like most employees everywhere, we were all taunting the Gods of Legalesia about 5 seconds afterwards. Then the jokes die down, and those kinds of conversations don’t come up again until the next round of ‘training’.

But I’m talking about everyday conversation. Things people talk about while they’re waiting for another meeting to start, or when they’re in line at the lunch counter. The kind of conversations that reflect the things people really care about only because it affects them directly.

And before I worked for a techno-centric company like Microsoft, those conversations never revolved around the balance between men and women in positions throughout the organization – unless someone was conducting interviews. It wasn’t like there was a shortage of women.

Although, a previous manager of mine once made the observation that none of the women in higher management (director, vp, ceo, etc.) in the business world today would be classified as pretty. In fact, it’s as if the women in these positions and the people putting them there are trying to get as far from feminine as humanly possible.

This had not occurred to me. But the more I thought about it, and the more I paid attention to noticing it, the more it seemed true. As though there’s some unwritten agreement that only women who look ‘serious’ (i.e. homely) go very far in business or technology. No pretty clothes. No flashy haircuts. No lipstick.

Now there’s this raging controversy over an Austrailian calendar, "Screen Goddess IT Calendar 2006-2007"

Published to "smash the perception" that IT careers are *gasp* ‘nerdy’  (a trait listed as "one of the greatest barriers to entry to the industry"), the calendar, it’s creator and the website itself have been under attack because GOD FORBID, they dared to show women as…women.

Fantasies and all.

Technology is a creative industry. True, it’s an extremely technical one, but how else do you engage ANY group to such a field except through their imagination? And why is it necessary for women to completely emasculate themselves in order to be taken seriously? Or even BE serious ALL THE TIME? What’s this rule that you can’t do anything FOR FUN? ESPECIALLY when you have all these technological toys to PLAY WITH?

I wonder if there’d be as much fuss over a "Screen Gods" calendar with IT guys dressed up as Conan the Barbarian or Brad Pitt. I hear you laughing. Better keep it down – those guys know Important Shit about Things That Can Totally Ruin Your Day. So be nice. Anyway, it could happen. Granted, Superman, Batman and Indiana Jones would probably make an appearance, too, but still. To each their own.

I love this calendar. In my fantasy world, I’d have to be Trinity – but with a better costume.

I would RULE that.

© 2006, jules.maas. All rights reserved.

Even with the threat of government mind-control clearly averted, if I were this guy, I’d be worried. Very, very worried.

Vista Non-Protest

Photo by Robert Scoble

How awesome is Vista’s Events Team? I am in complete envy. Vista team members took full advantage of a captive audience by PICKETING the streets of Microsoft campus during the morning commute, encouraging employees to download the upcoming beta as we all circled the lots hunting for parking.

Damn that’s brilliant.

I’m upgrading to Vista next week, as soon as I publish my weekly newsletters. Don’t matter where I’m working – I always lose something I can’t do without.

Grab A Pair

Photo by Robert Scoble

Again – the Vista Events Team rules. Yesterday morning the Microsoft campus soccer fields became an ocean of Vista logo beach & exercise balls. Hundreds of employee vehicles stopped and picked these up on their way into work. Not a single banner, email or announcement was to be seen. It was the single most subtle and powerful build-up event I’ve ever witnessed.

And I can’t believe there isn’t a single one listed on eBay right now. (Heh, even Scoble’s looking.)

Setting the Bar

This is Robert Scoble. For those of you who do not know The Scobelizer, he is the Official Microsoft Blogging King. I discovered him shortly after starting work here in January and about 95% of his content is Microsoft or tech-related. About 1/2 the time, I find it dry as hell. And 1/2 of the time, I learn something cool, fun, interesting and *gasp* even IMPORTANT.

By Aaron Halabe
June 2, 2006

Last April, Robert Scoble publicly questioned his employer’s decision not to support a Washington state congressional bill that would have broadened an anti-discrimination law to include gays and lesbians.

Scoble wrote the following in Scobleizer, his widely read blog about Microsoft: “I’m sad. … What if we were a company in Germany in the 1930s? Would we have taken the same position?”`

Tough stuff, but Scoble remained gainfully employed with Microsoft, and expressed satisfaction that the company later reversed its decision about the bill, which became a law in February.

An employee since 2003, Scoble – a platform technical evangelist who makes videos for MSDN’s Channel9 – started his blog five years ago while living in the Bay area. He has become one of the medium’s biggest advocates. Scoble and Shel [Israel] co-authored the widely-read book, “ Naked Conversations: How Blogs are Changing the Way Businesses Talk with Customers.”

The reason this guy is a blogosphere giant is not just because his blog helps him make Microsoft human – it helps US make technology human.

His mom died last week. He blogged about the whole thing (it started three weeks ago with news of her stroke) and I am in awe not only of the honesty in his writing, but how it drew us all into the experience so closely, while illustrating the relevance of technology during a time in life when we would least think of it.

This is blogging at it’s best.

© 2006 – 2011, jules.maas. All rights reserved.

But I’m going to give you one anyway.

There’s this little event coming up on April 24th called Microsoft Management Summit 2006 (we call it, "MMS 06" for short, because nobody here has time for actual words and everything, and I mean EVERYTHING gets reduced to a damn acronym. Here’s an example: “3-Dub”. That’s shorthand here for www. Ok, HOW is that shorter? Dude. You better believe I’m writing a story about THAT.) and it’s kinda kept me off-the-hook-holy-hell-I-didn’t-suck-this-much-at-eBay-I-swear-did-I-suddenly-become-stupid-or-did-eBay-make-me-that-way busy.

My manager frequently refers to MMS 06 as the department’s yearly "signature event", and as far as I can tell, it’s a lot like eBay Live! – but like, a hundred million times boringer. That may just be me.

You know, someday I’m going to have to sit down and write out a copy of "Jules’ Dictionary" so terms like "boringer" can get a little credibility and I will stop getting looks from people like I’m from outer space (or Roswell) because finally, the entire free world will finally catch up and we’ll all be on the same page.

As I’ve been so obsessed with The Biggest Fricking Super-Secret Project Ever, I thought I could at least leave you with a list of the best blog material I’ve been reading this week:

Dooce.com

• Cut & Colored – AWESOME photo sequence: she waits for a reaction…OH! he LIKEY… awww, snuggly-snuggle…

• Monthly Newsletter: Month Twenty-six – 3 year old goes on hunger strike…

• Even I can’t believe I’m allowed to have a dog – dog + ice cream container = HI-larity

The Redhead Papers

• “Security” doesn’t really apply to your office computer, dude

Scobelizer

• Where will you be at 01:02:03 on 04/05/06?

• Funny Mix06 Photos – features some guy who SAYS he’s from eBay, but I’VE never heard of him, so he may be faking. You know, like me.

Xbox stuff

• Red vs. Blue (awesome spoof videos)

• Video Interview: Two Microsoft Researchers who helped develop the Xbox Live rating system (two guys in Amsterdam who can actually play Halo AND have a semi-intelligent conversation AT THE SAME TIME)

• Oh, and breaking news: my husband just bought Bejeweled 2 for Xbox now we can feed our OCD from our computer, our phones AND the tv. We stayed up till 11:30 on a weeknight solving the puzzles, yelling “no, NO! Do the yellows…over there…no…up THERE…over….WAIT!” “Do the reds DO THE REDS OH MY GOD WHY DON’T YOU LISTEN TO ME!”

See you all when I get done with Bejewelled 3: Rehab.

© 2006, jules.maas. All rights reserved.

I am so old and boring.

Anyway. To break up some of the monotony that builds up on us from time to time, we’ve gotten in the habit of IM’ing each other random junk. The last one she sent me involved the iPod/Microsoft design process spoof, and I sent her a link to Erin’s post on aging.

What she sent me yesterday was just so scary I had to share:

Resh [11:36 AM]: http://alborznews.net/shownews.asp?u=4250 *

Jules [11:40 AM]: *CLICK*

Jules [11:41 AM]: eek!

Resh [11:42 AM]: Hee! That guy is having a BALL.

Jules [11:43 AM]: That is truly disturbing.

Resh [11:43 AM]: ?

Jules [11:44 AM]: Michael Jackson scares me in any form.

*Whoops! Sorry, everyone – I just noticed this URL was screwed up. It should actually take you to the page now. Also, this IS work safe – so no worries, k? ~ jules, 12:47pm

© 2006, jules.maas. All rights reserved.

Unbelievably Patient and Loyal Reader #2: “She’s still writing about eBay.”

Unbelievably Patient and Loyal Reader #1: “Um, didn’t she quit, like, a YEAR ago?”

Jules: “Hey! I didn’t quit. I don’t quit. I was ‘reorganized’. And it was… (counting on fingers)…six months ago, thank you.”

Unbelievably Patient and Loyal Reader (UPLR) #2: “Have you even done your 401K paperwork?”

Jules: “Shut up.”

UPLR #1: “I thought she said she had a job at Microsoft. Hasn’t said a word about it.”

UPLR #2: “She’s so totally making it up. Trying to show off so her eBay buddies won’t think she’s a LOSER.”

Jules: “Whatever, jerk. I’m a Project Manager for the Microsoft Systems Management Marketing Division. And it rules.”

UPLR #1: “…What the hell does that even mean?”

UPLR #2: “The longer the title, the bigger the faker.”

Jules: “No no no, It’s, ‘The more ambiguous the title, the bigger the bullshitter.’ My title is very clear.”

UPLR #2: “Oh, ok. So you what, manage projects for the systems manager of Microsoft’s marketing manager division management server?”

Jules: “Uh, no. I manage a couple of small marketing projects for Systems Management, such as publishing internal and external newsletters, building and maintaining team intranet sites, coordinating vendor development of the external website update and…”

UPLR #2: “Yabba dabba blabba. English, please.”

Jules: “I make web pages.”

UPLR #1: “Wow. That’s like, what you wanted to do.”

Jules: “I know! Isn’t that craza-licious? I keep thinking they’re going to fire me any second.”

UPLR #2: “Do you suck or something?”

Jules: “Actually, they love me.”

UPLR #2: “Well, let’s not be modest here. They loooove you?”

Jules: “Duh. Who doesn’t? No, I mean, it’s just that they’re always going on about how awesome I make their stuff look and what a good job I’m doing. It’s weird. It’s like they mean it.”

UPLR #1:“ So…show us some photos…”

Jules: “Yeah, about that. I’m DYING to, but I can’t.”

UPLR #1: “Oh come on! Why not?”

UPLR #2: “Yeah, why not? You big faker.”

Jules: “Dude? You call me a faker one more time and I’ll delete your butt right out of this story. Got it?”

UPLR #2: “Ooooo – you’re gonna delete my imaginary butt down into the depths of oblivion? How ‘bout I bring a lifesaver and a picnic basket when I meet you later on Nightmare Shores when you’re having that dream about swimming the English Channel with Wolverine and the rest of the X-Men.”

Jules: “Ok, then. See you later.”

BLEEP!

UPLR #1: “Swimming. With the X-Men.”

Jules: “Some girls like comic books! Is that okay with you?”

UPLR #1: “That just seems really, really…wierd. And sad.”

Jules: “Really? Some girls even like Hugh Jackman. What’s hard to connect here?!”

UPLR #1:“Alll-righty, then. Let’s…talk about something else. Show us some pictures.”

Jules: “Dude, nothing would make me happier than to run around this place snapping photos of all the awesome and amazing things that make me go, ‘This is just like at eBay’ or ‘This is SO MUCH BETTER than at eBay’ on a daily basis – but there’s this little thing called a ‘non-disclosure contract’ that I’m pretty sure includes a paragraph on professional killers. I’m under the distinct impression that Mcrosoft’s got some pretty good goons.”

UPLR #1:“Please? Pretty please? Please pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasePLEASE! Puh-lease! Pleeeeeeease? Puh…”

Jules: “Woah, woah, WOAH! Dang! I’ll show you some pictures – just shut up, ok?!”

UPLR #1:“Oh you are SO EASY! Sure you want to be a parent? That kid’ll walk all OVER you.”

Jules: “Do you want to see the pictures or not? I can turn around anytime. Don’t make me stop this car.”

UPLR #1: “I’m sorry.”

Jules: “So here goes:

Boring Photos Jules Took With A Totally Inconspicuous “Who ME? I’m Checking My Text Messages” Look on Her Face With Her SuperSpy-SuperFly Pink RAZR Phone

There are about 101 individual Microsoft buildings in Redmond, WA. They all look pretty much the same. This one’s mine. Go find it.

This is my office. Yeah, that’s right – I have an OFFICE. In fact, I even have a DOOR. And that, my friends, is my favorite part. Because noise makes me cranky.

I put up all that hoops&yoyo stuff thinking it was cute and funny and people would go, “Woo, fun! Girl’s got a sense of humor!” Then I walked in one morning and realized anyone with half a brain would take one look at it and go, “What is this girl? Like, FIVE?”

Here’s the elevator. It looks pretty bare right now, but over the course of a month there are about a thousand Microsoft posters on products, events and campaigns that will go up around it until you can’t even see the paint. Why is this so interesting to me? Because the eBay Wall Gestapo would have literally FREAKED RIGHT THE HELL OUT if we’d come anywhere near this:

Ooo! And it gets better! Every single breakroom on campus has a giant message corkboard. Guess what they get to put on it? That’s right – MESSAGES. Not just Microsoft and Microsoft HR messages, but messages about upcoming community college courses and fundraisers and live bands and laundry service and house cleaning and CARPOOLS. And anyone, ANYONE can put a message up there. Doesn’t have to go through an approval process or anything. There are mornings when I go get my coffee and stand there admiring the board for a good twenty minutes.

Don’t even get me started on the employee newsletter website, where they actually have *GASP* employee birth announcements, obituaries and classified sections. UN-REAL.

So there you have it. A quick glimpse at my new, real, wonderful job that I’m totally not making up. But the part about not wanting to look like a loser to my eBay friends? Kinda true.

They’re the coolest people I know.

© 2006 – 2011, jules.maas. All rights reserved.

Yeah. I don’t know much about that. Because I really don’t care. I’m one of those results-oriented people who, upon being presented with some new techno-thingamabobber that makes ridiculously complicated, time-consuming and boring tasks a thousand times easier and faster, will look at that thingamabobber, shout, “Woo-HOO!” pick it up and go my merry way.

Doesn’t matter to me who made it.

Except for, you know, the whole reliability thing. And the security thing. As long as it takes care of those issues and doesn’t implode in the first month, I’m good. In fact, I’m so pro-thingamabobber, (and maybe just a little too inquisitive) that I have more programs and accounts and news and miscellaneous stuff than I know what to do with.

So when I saw the headline of this article today, these three little words sent me into a state of ecstasy:

No. More. Passwords.

Do you KNOW how many accounts I have? ‘Cuz I sure don’t. I tried to hunt them all down last year – not just to a) fix my Comcast spam problem, but because b) it would be challenge and c) I hate passwords. I lost all hope somewhere around #123.

Passwords piss me off. They have to be tricky, they have to be long, they have to be different and they have to be something I can remember, but no one else will guess. And all without writing them down anywhere, ever. I’d like to ask the smarty-pants folks who created this system if THEY remember their 15 year old Prodigy password.

I’m so sick of passwords, in fact, that I turned that mantra into my very last password at eBay. One month before I left, some new system tool got released that not only required me to add one more password to a list of crap I had to access that didn’t take my NT Login, the rules for creating this new password were about as long as my fricking leg and required a degree in advanced quantum bleeping physics. For a tool I never used. Not once.

I was so hacked about having to create yet ANOTHER password with a REQUIRED length and REQUIRED numbers and REQUIRED uppercasing and REQUIRED special characters that I couldn’t write down or save as a hot key, and if you know me, you understand this challenge: ONE I WOULD NEVER REMEMBER IN A HUNDRED MILLION YEARS.

Realizing this fact, I figured I might as well throw the finger and came up with this:

1Morefu&in@Password

And now I’ll remember that one untill the day I die.

© 2006 – 2010, jules.maas. All rights reserved.