Sex is still a subject surrounded by prejudice, fear and anxiety. When someone decides to face some taboos, however, they gain self-knowledge: by unveiling the unknown, the person can finally know if it is good for them or not, if they liked or hated a certain experience. To help you, experts have listed ten common taboos and given tips on how to break them to have a more pleasurable sex life.
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Many women dream of experimenting, but they don’t, mainly, because they fear pain. “When practiced in the right way, anal sex doesn’t hurt,” says former program writer Vanessa de Oliveira, who recommends the side position with flexed legs for beginners.
Anxiety makes relaxation difficult and tension causes pain. The ideal is to bet on foreplay – not only local caresses, but the whole body, so that the woman is at ease.
Penetration alone, however, does not guarantee orgasm: to reach the climax, the partner must also stimulate the clitoris. The excitement caused by the position still contributes -and a lot- to the pleasure. To know more details about anal sex, click here.
Smell and taste
In one of his most famous quotes, filmmaker Woody Allen jokes that good sex is dirty sex, alluding to body fluids. Many women cannot relax when having sex, especially during oral sex, for fear that their genitals smell or taste funny.
Some types of infection (these cases need to be treated) and certain foods can actually cause alterations in the vaginal fluids, but in general, there are few subjects who bother with the female aroma and taste. “Many girls worry about keeping their vagina odorless, but the opposite sex appreciates the characteristic smell of a woman when she has a normal pH. It excites them”.
One of the most common myths regarding sex, according to Oswaldo Martins Rodrigues Jr., a therapist at the Instituto Paulista de Sexualidade, is that female enjoyment must be bombastic, extreme, intense, overwhelming. “If a woman experiences sensations that are below what she believes to be orgasm, she already disqualifies this sensation and does not name it orgasm,” he says.
As she continues to believe that she has not yet experienced the sexual climax, the woman reinforces her performance as being negative, which leads to new bad episodes and the devaluation of pleasure. It is worth remembering that the tremor, the warmth and the sensation of relaxation that characterize the female orgasm vary not only from woman to woman but from experience to experience.
Caresses in the anus
According to sexologist Isabel Cabral Delgado, there are still many prejudices regarding the anus as an erogenous zone. “In the case of heterosexual men, there is a fear that this behavior will be considered homosexual by the partner and sometimes even by himself.
In the case of women, there is the fear that this caress will work as a preliminary to anal penetration, which is not always desired or permitted,” says the expert. Leaving fears out of the room, however, can be a guarantee of an enormous delight. “Stimuli in this region can provide a lot of pleasure, since it is very unserved and with great blood concentration”.
Who bets on this kind of additive has only to win. “These objects need to be seen as adult toys, because they serve to make sexual practices more fun and spicy,” he says. For those who want to break this taboo, therapist Arlete Gavranic suggests to start with cute products, such as vibrating panties, small massagers, penile rings with pet designs, etc. Little by little, new accessories can be incorporated. See the board beside for suggestions of erotic toys.
Masturbation and voyeurism
For cultural reasons, it is easier for a man to masturbate in front of a woman than the opposite. However, it is much more exciting for a man to see a woman masturbate than the other way around, since the male gender is more sensitive to visual stimulation.
“Nevertheless, some more insecure subjects feel ‘threatened’ by women’s ability to give themselves pleasure without their participation,” says Isabel Delgado. Another factor that makes the experience a taboo is that many couples are not intimate enough to share this practice. “Masturbation in front of the other presents shame as the main characteristic.
Masturbation in front of the other implies detachment, total security with one’s own body and not caring about the opinion of others. It’s just worrying about yourself,” explains Carla Cecarello. Leaving shyness aside, however, can not only increase complicity between the two but also improve their sex life, since they will learn a lot about how to give each other more pleasure.
For Patricia Pelegrina Rosseto, psychologist and psychotherapist with a focus on sexuality, this is a very different configuration of relationship from what is socially expected, which is still exciting for many people, and also something that resides in the fantasy of a large number of couples.
“However, many fear revealing their fantasies believing that they will have a negative impact on their partner, and hinder the relationship,” says the expert, who always recommends opening the game.
“Fantasy expression is an important step to overcome sexual taboos. Being able to talk about it can bring a lot of excitement, even if everything imagined is not literally realized, but adapted to the taste and needs of the couple,” she adds.
Patricia Rosseto warns that three-way sex or any sexual variation should always be performed with the consent of the participants. And its realization must be preceded by a preparation, a fact that will collaborate to make the experience something exciting and provide the expected pleasure.
Men and women are increasingly obsessed with physical form. For sex therapist Arlete Gavranic, these prerequisites end up generating tension, fear, shame, anxiety and a lot of frustration, because very critical and insecure people get defensive.
They forget, therefore, to value their strong points, their best attributes, which go from intelligence, sense of humor and good conversation, for men, to soft skin and beautiful hair, for women. In bed, instead of appealing to the old trick of turning off the light or stay in the twilight, they can very well stimulate the senses with perfumes, flavored condoms, massage gels. “And physical form in day, it is good to remember, it is not always synonymous with good sexual performance.
What counts is the self-esteem and self-confidence”, says Arlete. Read also: Don’t let the extra pounds get in the way of your sex life.